


As long as I've got you

by underthexmoonlight



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 05:53:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12315045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underthexmoonlight/pseuds/underthexmoonlight
Summary: Harry gets through the archives of his mind and recall some of the best memories he has, with the best person he's had the chance to made them with.





	As long as I've got you

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive any mistake, but, as I said before, English's not my first language.  
> Enjoy!

 

 

The living room’s clock tickled noisily in the quiet of the house, and as its hands reached eight o’clock, Harry walked downstairs, his face tired and sleepy and his hair ruffled. It was rather early, considering the fact that he was on holiday and his boyfriend was still sleeping (he was usually the one to wake up first), but for some reason sleep had left him way earlier than usual, and he had found himself rolling around in bed, unable to get back to sleep. He came in the kitchen, grabbed a mug and waited for his coffee to be ready, then turned on his laptop and started looking around in the desktop. It was full of files and unopened folders, and he just started clicking casually, revealing old pictures, audios and totally un-unpublishable essays he had written a few years prior.   
Then, one particular folder caught his attention. It was named _2010_ , and as far as he tried to rummage in his mind, he didn’t remember he had ever seen it. Clicking on it, an undefined amount of videos and pictures appeared in front of his eyes. There was him, and Louis, and the boys they’d had the chance to spend the best eight years with, all sat on some stairs, looking at the camera in front of them.   
A million memories started flooding in Harry’s mind as Liam’s voice started speaking, introducing them all and explaining what had happened the previous week and what the news were. He explained how Harry had gotten ill and been forced into bed for the whole week, and the boy couldn’t hold back a smile as Louis’ eighteen-year-old alter ego lovingly touched his forehead to check for a temperature.   
That simple gesture brought him back in time, and all of the memories he had thought were erased from his brain, felt like something that had just happened.

 _“How’s my pup feeling?” Louis shouted as he came in their room. Harry, who had just fallen asleep after hours of rolling in the sheets, jumped, and glared at him._  
_“I was great before you came in” he grumped, hiding his face under the heavy duvet._  
_“Geez, didn’t know the flu made you so grumpy” Louis joked, crawling on to bed to reach him. He uncovered the sick boy’s face, earning a groan, and couldn’t help but chuckle a bit._  
_“Oh, c’mon, give me a smile, you know I love your little dimples” he complained, lightly tickling his hip. Harry, however, shook his head, making Louis realize how actually exhausted he looked._  
_“Please, Lou” he weakly said, curling up against the older boy’s side. Louis rubbed his back, casually caressing his hair as he did so, and placed his hand on Harry’s forehead._  
_e“You’re burning up” he stated, feeling his cheeks as well. “Have you taken something?”_  
_Harry nodded, sniffling a bit. “It makes no difference, those damn antipyretics are useless” he replied, his voice rough and raspy. Louis cooed, pushing back some hair locks from his damp forehead._  
_“I’m sorry you still feel so bad” he said, letting the younger boy rest his head on his chest._  
_“You know, we’ve been discussing about the song we’re singing this week today” he informed, anticipating Harry’s question._  
_“We were thinking about_ My Life Would Suck Without You _, but we wanted to make sure you agree” he explained._  
_“What difference does it make? I’m not gonna be able to sing this week” Harry sadly answered, shivering lightly._  
_Louis furrowed and shook his head. “No way! You’re not gonna dump us like that, curly!” he joked, making Harry’s dimples pocking out a bit. The younger boy coughed a bit, croaking: “it’s true. It’s Tuesday already and I feel like a truck has driven over me a couple times” he complained._  
_“You’re going to get better, honey” Louis said, choosing to ignore the nickname he had just called his best friend. “And me and the boys are going to help you with the song, anyways. Don’t put yourself down.”_  
_Harry nodded distractedly, feeling his eyelids fall heavy before he could stop them._  
_Louis stayed in the room for a while after, playing with Harry’s hair and occasionally feeling his forehead, to make sure his temperature didn’t raise any further. He just then noticed how messy the room was and how the smell of medicines and tea filled it; it wasn’t really pleasing, if he was honest, but still, laying there with Harry, despite the fact that it was summer and the sick boy’s body was basically being a thermostat to him, was a really, really good feeling._

 _He didn’t realise he had fallen asleep until some noise woke him up. It was dark, and he still was in Harry’s bed, but the other half of the mattress was empty and there was no sign of him. A light beam coming from the half-closed bathroom door caught his attention and he got up, despite his tiredness pleading him not to._  
_As he stepped in, he saw Harry kneeled in front of the toilet, his head unbecomingly placed on its ceramic edge. Louis was by his side within a second._  
_“Hey, mate” he called, not sure of the fact that he was actually conscious. Unexpectedly, Harry raised his head up, revealing the most heartbreaking look Louis had ever seen on his face. His eyes were dull and watery, circled by livid bags; his skin was pale, except for his cheeks, who paradoxically were bright red._  
_“Hey” he repeated, pushing back his hair. He placed his hand on his forehead, holding back a gasp. Harry was running a temperature of at least 104, which made the older boy extremely concerned._  
_“H, did you take something? Some Advil?” he asked, not really expecting an answer. Harry, though, nodded._  
_“Yeah” he whispered, leaning into Louis’ hand, still placed on his cheek. “I feel like throwing up” he told him urgently, before bending over the toilet and letting heavy retches shake his body. It took ten whole minutes for him to stop puking continuously and his nausea to finally quiet down. They sat on the bathroom floor for an undefined amount of time, Louis’ arms wrapped around Harry’s weak frame, before the boy spoke._  
_“You don’t have to stay here and watch his mess” he said, his voice barely sounding like a whisper. “It’s disgusting.”_  
_“I want to” Louis’ replied with conviction. “Is it better now?” he asked, looking at the younger boy’s head nod._  
_“Let’s get back to bed then, you’re freezing” he gently ordered, noticing Harry’s violent shaking. He held out his hand and helped him get on his feet, before slowly leading him back to bed. He laid next to him again, making sure he was comfortable and warm, and helped him swallow a couple of pills. He knew Harry wouldn’t have been able to sing the next day, nor the day after that, but he was taking care of him, now, and he hoped that could help him feel better, somehow._  
_Louis hated seeing his boy like that._

Harry perfectly remembered what had happened after that night.   
Louis had turned into a concerned little nurse, making sure he took all of his medicines (which had duplicated after their manager had called the doctor _again,_ since his temperature kept reaching absurd peaks) and cuddling him like his mother used to do when he was younger. His sickness had been rough, but somehow his relationship with Louis had grown and become stronger. It felt like it had been the beginning of something really special between them, and maybe it was. A week later, Louis had tried to kiss him and Harry hadn’t pushed him back; that’s all he had ever wanted since he had met him, almost six months before. Since then, the two of them became inseparable. 

Harry scrolled through the folder. It wasn’t long until one particular video caught his attention and almost made him run out of breath. He remembered it: that was one of the innumerable videos that had been recorded at one of the One Direction’s shows, the one they’d had almost three years before, now.   
It was in London, the last concert of the _On The Road Again_ tour; it was pretty cold that day, quite windy too, and the stadium was completely full, despite it being the fifth night in the same place. Maybe, Harry had thought, it was because of the ‘important announcement’ the boys had said they would have been making.   
That Saturday, was the day the world came to know about Louis and Harry’s biggest secret. 

  
_“Don’t be nervous, love, it’s gonna be okay” Louis said as he walked in to a very, deeply frightened Harry._  
_“Lou, it’s gonna be a huge mess, you know that?” Harry spoke after a few moments of complete silence. “We’ll be having thousands of articles written about us, loads of people hating on us, ruining One Direction’s career… we can’t do this to the boys” he said frantically, watching as Liam and Niall disapprovingly shook their head from the couch they were sat on._  
_“One Direction is stronger than this. We’re gonna be good, all of us” Liam replied, patting his shoulder._  
_“Liam’s right. You’ve been hiding like thieves for years now, and people are going to understand your points and most importantly the fact that you two are basically glued to each other” Niall spoke, making everybody giggle. “And for those who are gonna screw on us, well, they can go fuck themselves” he concluded, earning an high-five from Louis._  
_“That’s the kind of support I’m looking for, lad, thanks” he said, patting his back._  
_Harry didn’t look convinced, but he surely was more chilled out. They had to do that, for themselves, above all, for the band and all of the lies it had been living in for five years, and for the fans, because they deserved to know the truth._  
_A voice caught their attention. “Guys, two minutes!”_  
_Louis smiled widely, Harry glanced at him worriedly and Liam and Niall stood up happily, looking forward to the show and the sixty-thousands people’s reaction to their best friends’ coming out._

 _Liam sang the last verse of_ Stockholm Syndrome _and the stadium exploded in a loud scream. As the crowd kept cheering,_ 18 _’s melody echoed through the place, making everybody scream louder. As a relative silence invaded the bleachers, Harry’s deep voice started to sing._

  
**_I’ve got a heart,_ **  
**_And I’ve got a soul_ **  
**_Believe me, I will use them both_ **  
**_We made a start,_ **  
**_Be it a false one, I know_ **  
**_Baby, I don’t want to feel alone_ **

_Liam continued by singing his line, followed by Niall and the four of them singing the chorus._

**_[…]_ **  
**_I have loved you since we were eighteen_ **

_Louis’ voice, despite being so familiar to Harry’s ears, gave him goosebumps; maybe it was because of the almost complete silence that had now filled the place, or maybe it was the fact that Louis had turned to him, together with the microphone stand, and was singing his line directly towards him._

**_Long before we both thought the same thing_ **

_It was getting really obvious now, and that wasn’t the way they had decided to make their relationship public. Harry should have ignored it, he knew he should have, because following their plan was the best thing to do, considering how nervous he was feeling; he couldn’t afford to improvise, he really couldn’t. But, still._

_**To be loved and to be in love**  _

_Their voices mixed, as well as their eyes. They were making direct eye-contact, and the whole world disappeared around them; suddenly that wide stadium was empty, the stage was bare and all they could see was each other, every little detail about the other’s._

**_And all I can do is say that these arms were made for holding you_ **

_That was the line Louis had always sang to him, Harry knew that, and even though the context was different, it still felt the same way, nothing had changed. Harry couldn’t hold back the tears that were now filling his eyes, threatening to roll down is cheeks._

**_I want a love like you made me feel_ **

_A thousand memories started flooding in both of their minds, and they knew exactly they were thinking about the same things._

**_When we were eighteen_ **

_Moments of the two of them scrolled in front of their eyes, from that time they had their first kiss, the day they had made love the first time, the week they had spent in Paris to celebrate their first anniversary, to the prior week, spent in a cabin in Scotland, just the two of them, and how loved and happy and heart-warmed they had felt and how they were feeling right in that moment, in front of thousands and thousands of people watching them and probably crying with them._  
_And everything felt right in the world, at least for that night_. 

The explanation Louis had given the crowd after that had stayed the dumbest yet funniest thing.  
_“You’ll probably want an explanation for what you have seen, and the explanation is exactly what you have seen.”_  
Harry laughed as he recalled that moment. Life had been tough after that day, especially their public one. People were generally happy for them, but, as in every other situation, people disrespecting them were very present and very intentioned to make them feel like they had taken the wrong choice.   
Their families, friends and team, though, always made sure they remembered how strong their relationship was - how much _stronger_ than any kind of criticism or bad moment it was.

 _“Listen, I’ve told you hundreds of times already, don’t make me say it again” Harry sighed, stressfully rubbing his forehead._  
_“There are pics, Harry. What are you denying, eh?” Louis replied, trying to hold back his nervousness._  
_Harry stood up, sudden anger showing clearly on his features._  
_“What am I denying? More like, what are you accusing me of, Louis?” he questioned, gesturing way too eagerly. Louis was about to argue, but Harry’s hand stopped his words before they were out._  
_“Don’t bother speaking, I’ll tell you. You’re accusing me of cheating on you, is that right? With Nick Grimshaw, moreover, for Christ’s sake!” he shouted, almost bursting into laughter at how improbable that eventuality was._  
_“There are pics of you with him all over the web, they’re making up articles about it! It’s not the first time!” Louis replied, clearly uncomfortable. Harry chuckled ironically, trying to cover up the fact that he would have gladly walked away from him and that pointless conversation._  
_“It’s great to know you trust some shitty papers more than me.”_  
_“I don’t, but when it’s tens of them against you, maybe it’s a sign that I should.”_  
_These words left Louis’ mouth before he even realized it, before he was able to stop them. His lips stayed parted, like he wanted to say something but his vocal chords wouldn’t let him. All of his anger seemed to suddenly disappear, and when he spoke again, he almost jumped at how different his voice sounded._  
_Harry hadn’t moved at all, it was like he hadn’t even heard it._  
_“Harry, I’m…” Louis began, but he soon realized he had no idea of what to say to him. Harry, though, shook his head, a smile painted on his face. As much as Louis loved his smile, he wished he didn’t have to see it, right now, because all of the sadness he could read in it was too much for him to cope with._  
_“I didn’t mean…” he spoke again, but Harry cut him off. His eyes had filled with tears, but he was ignoring them, fighting not to let them roll down his cheeks._  
_“You meant what you said, Louis” he said, his voice reduced to a whisper. If he spoke louder, he thought, his voice was going to break._  
_“No, I didn’t mean that” Louis repeated, but Harry was already walking upstairs, and that sentence came out too low for the younger guy to hear._

 _Louis wasn’t good with words. He knew that, he had always known, so he tried to keep serious conversations out of his reach, to avoid creating situation he wasn’t able to give an explanation for._  
_When it came to Harry, though, he knew he had to find them, because he deserved to be reassured on the fact that the things he did were, generally, not wrong. So, that night, as he was sitting on the couch, trying to make up a speech to say he was sorry, he tried to make it meaningful, repeating the same words over and over again; at some point, he almost felt like he was playing some weird game in his mind, a kind of senseless Scrabble._  
_After what felt like an eternity, Louis felt ready to speak, to blurt out everything he wanted to say, but Harry came in right when Louis got up to get to him, and suddenly Louis’ mind was blank. None of them spoke for a minute or so, looking at each other like they hoped the other would make the first step; it was Louis’ duty to make it, though, and he knew._  
_“Listen, Harry” he spoke, almost furrowing for calling him his full name. He never did, and when it happened, it was either for something serious or extremely intimate._  
_“I’m an idiot, okay? You’ve known me for years now, so you probably know. I’m not used to express how I feel, and when I do I end up fucking everything up. But I didn't mean a word of what I said before. I’m serious. Of course I don’t trust those people more than I trust you, and I swear, I swear to God I could never question what you and I have because of a newspaper” he said. Harry cut him off. “You did.”_  
_Louis vehemently shook his head, feeling like crying his eyes out because he refused to believe he had been stupid enough to make Harry believe something like that._  
_“I was angry, and jealous, and I had no right to be, because you’ve always showed me nothing but loyalty. It was a moment, it was seeing those damn pics of you having lunch with him, smiling, having fun and fearing someday you’d stop doing it with me. It makes no sense, and I’m sorry, but the speech I had prepared sucked, and that was the only thing I could think of to make you forgive me.”_  
_Louis was sure Harry would turn around and walk away, wondering why on Earth he had decided to spend his life with such a dumb person, but, unexpectedly, Harry smiled, chuckling to himself. Before Louis even had time to be confused, he asked: “You’ve made up a speech to say that you’re sorry?”_  
_Louis furrowed. “That’s all you heard from what I said?” he questioned, rather amused. Harry bursted into laughter at that point, walking towards him._  
_“Of course I didn’t, you idiot” he replied, his face so close to Louis’ he could almost hear his breathes. “It was cute, though” he added, earning a groan from the older man.“I would never cheat on you, Louis” he said, suddenly turning serious. “Never, not even in another version of reality, I could choose to break you, and me like that. I got to have the best, why should I waste it all?”_  
_Louis’ look sweetened. “You’ve got the biggest mess you could find out there” he replied, feeling his eyes water a bit._  
_“I love that mess, okay? I just wish you would trust this” Harry said, a sad gaze getting through his eyes. Louis shook his head, no sure what for, looking ready to cry his eyes out. Damn it, he didn't remember the day he had become to vulnerable - maybe he did._  
_“I trust you, Harry - at least I’m trying. To give you all of my faith, because, I promise you, I’ve got so much faith in you and what we have. I’m just trying to figure out how to show it to you” he replied, not even bothering wiping away the tear that was rolling down his cheekbone. Harry nodded, holding back the urge to look away, because seeing Louis cry like that was making his chest physically ache._  
_“I’ll wait. I can wait, as long as it takes you. There’s no need to rush” he said. He didn't remember when he had placed his hand on Louis’ cheek, he just knew it was, now, as well as the older boy’s arm wrapped around his waist, like he was waiting for Harry to engulf him in his warm hug. When he did, he heard how fast his heart was beating, and was glad his wasn't the only one racing so wildly._  
_They stayed like that for a few minutes, maybe an hour, they didn’t know._  
_But it felt okay, it felt right, it felt necessary. And it was._

  
“You already awake?”  
Harry jumped as he heard a voice coming from behind him. He turned around, smiling as Louis kissed his forehead.  
“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep” he explained, offering him the coffee cup he hadn’t even touched.  
“Lou” he called out after a while, shutting his laptop off. Louis raised his head, looking at him with expectancy.  
“Do you still love me?” he asked, wishing those words never left his mouth right after. They sounded so meaningless, he suddenly felt the need to add: “I mean, do you feel the same way you felt five years ago?”  
Louis furrowed, and Harry realized he wasn’t completely getting his point. He couldn’t blame him: he didn’t get it himself.  
“Do you think, maybe, in a few years… things will change between us? Like, you’re not gonna feel the same things for me or you’ll get tired of having me around all the time, and… you know.” Harry’s eyes lowered, his hands intertwined between them in an attempt of making the whole situation look more serious.  
As far as he tried, Louis couldn’t hold back a giggle. He shook his head, taking Harry’s hand between his.  
“I probably won’t feel the same” he replied, rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb. Harry loved that, he knew it. “I’ll most likely love you much more than I do now, if that’s even possible. I don’t wanna sound cheesy or anything, you know I hate that kind of things, but I feel like… having you around will always be my main reason to hold on. Like, I’m wondering what this house would look like without you - probably a mess and without the slightest sign of a good taste” he chuckled, making Harry smile. His eyes had lighted up, and between all of the places he had ever seen, that was the best view Louis had ever had.  
“But I can’t picture it. I’ll have to move somewhere else if you ever decide to leave, otherwise I’ll get mad. So, to answer your question; no, I won’t feel the same way. I’ll feel way better, because I’ll know, between all of the dumb decisions I’ve taken, that I wasn’t _so_  dumb to let go of something so good.”


End file.
